08 March 2017

❤︎ Happy 2 Years Old, Meredith Tan Zhi Ning ❤︎

Today is your birthday again! As you would say.. "Hurray!!!" =')

In the last two years, you've taught mummy stuff that i would have never learnt.

You've taught me how to give, how to love kindly and how to forgive.. Just from the way you innocently, purely give, love and forgive..

The kind of love you've shown me, and the way you tell me you need me, makes me feel worthy everyday. You've given mummy a good reason to hang on, no matter how hard life gets sometimes.

You made me strong, Meredith. And everyday i thank you for giving me you, for keeping you healthy, for letting you grow in a place and time, surrounded by loving people. This is a blessing we shall never take for granted..

Thank you, Meredith.

Here's some good times you've made for yourself, and for everyone around you.. Keep on smiling, keep on being you, baby.. =')))

Papa bringing you to see the "stars" Haha.
Teacher J sent mummy this picture of you, being so proud of your art and craft in school =D
Mama was overseas for work so you sneaked a lot of snacks!
Video call with mama for the first night mama was away.. You cried so badly after the phonecall ended so we didn't videocall for the next 3 nights T.T Your papa say it's too heartbreaking to see you crying for mama.. I would know..
But it's okay cox you have yeye and Yuxuan jiejie while mama is away =D
You're such a happy girl in school.. =)
You're a happy girl anywhere, actually.. =D
Putting silly things on yourself and then coming to me and ask "Mama, i pi qi?" Lol. Yes you're always pretty in mummy's heart!!!
Christmas celebration in school. HURRAY!
Always stay so fearless!!! You love dinosaurs and animals!!! GRRRrrr~ =D You also really love makeup and dressing up so go ahead and be anything you want to be!!! Be an explorer of what life has to offer you!!!
Papa and mama will always be behind you, beside you, around for you! =')))
I feel thankful even when i watch you sleep soundly and safely, right beside me everyday..
On New Year's Eve.. We did this.. It was simple, we just blew some bubbles.. And you gave us a lot of laughter and joy in return.. You're the best kind of investment papa and mama make.. You give us so much more than we can ever ask for..


You love slides.. That's about the only thing you go for at the playgrounds.. I guess since you can't find a see-saw like the ones you saw in Peppa Pig these days haha.
Thank you for loving mummy!!!
Thank you for choosing me over anyone else =')))
Each and every of your smile and laughter, makes the world a better place for so many people..
So i guess this Valentine's Day gift i gave to your dad 11 years ago was a good move. I woo-ed him like a gentleman. LOLOL and that's how we have you!
"Hurray!" =D
You're a star, baby!
But more than that, you're a sister to Yurou and Yuxuan and soon, your own little sister. These pictures of you and Yurou jiejie looks just like Siyi and mummy.. Haha.. Please grow up well and take care of each other.. =')
You love the "seeming poo" LOL.
You love to pose for the camera..
Yes you do haha.
You really, really do. HAHA.
Your first tricycle ride on your own.. When you're bigger we can get you your own little bike!
Always remember to find joy in little things okay. Like how you play with straws for hours with Er Yi..
But preferably not find joy in taking out mama's bra from the drawer and telling mama "I wang wear blah"
And after i help you with it, you exclaim "I wang xio papa!!!" O.O =O =X HAHA.
"I angih!"
Also don't always bite a poop and feel happy about it hahaha.
Reach high, Meredith..
Peel as many eggs as you like for people.. Haha..
Sneak on chocolates if you have to..
Eat durian when there's durian..
Always be mesmerized by the beauty of the little things in life..
Love meimei and teach meimei like how mama taught you.. Be kind, be polite, be loving, share..
And please maintain with the auntie-fashion LOL. Pearls and gold omg. Lolol.
You're a big girl now.. Cut down on the tutu okay? Hehe =D
"No way mama. Tutu is life"
Also, this is just one of the many ways papa show you he love you.. Look at him.. 44 years of being a serious, dignified and composed man. Took him only this much time to turn into a dinosaur mascot for his daughter.. ='D Hahaha.
Remember to love your family.. Love your jiejies..
This is you at 2 years old, Meredith.. You are a little big girl =')))
Papa mama will always love you..

And if there are times mama made you cry..

Know that mama is learning, know that it's for your good, know that it could be my fault and if it is i will always apologise, know that no matter what it is, i still love you every second of my life.

And if there are times you made mama cry, know that it's becox you showed me how precious life is and how lucky i am to be able to be here, to witness it, to witness you growing up, learning new things everyday.. I truly am very proud of you.

Just two days ago you picked up your toy broom and mop and started cleaning your nursery floor.. I smiled, and i cried. Whatever mummy is dealing with outside is not nice.. But whatever happens in the house, is the biggest gift i'm given. And that's you.. So thank you again.

And if there are times mama can't be with you.. Know that i am always thinking about you, looking at your pictures and longing for the next moment i can hug you. I will work hard to be better, to give you better. Mummy love you, Meredith.. Happy Birthday..

This video was taken when i left house for a meeting with the lawyers.. It sent me away in tears but i told myself, one day, it will all be okay.. And soon, i'd really be where i belong fully.. Where i want to be, that is to be a mom to you, baby. I will be better.
As you learnt and would tell people.. "Doh cry.. Doh worry.. Ish okay" Remember to remind yourself that each time you feel sad.. And each time mummy has to be away from you.. Be strong. And only grow stronger as you grow up! JIAYOU BABY!!!

21 February 2017

My 2016 - I mean.. It wasn't so bad.

It's still the first month of Lunar New Year for 2016 LOL so i guess this sum up of 2016 isn't that late O.O

And as the title says.. Though it's the worst year i've ever had in my whole life (29 years of living), it really wasn't so bad.

Especially not when i took extra effort to keep track of every little happy things that happened. With all the not-so-good things that i'm too engulfed by, sweet happy moments means extra lots when they do happen.

Looking back at 2016 on my blog at least, i really feel like it's not as bad as when i was going through it.

My struggles at work happened mid of 2015 but 2015 was the most beautiful year despite all becox that's the year i had Meredith.

2016 things got so bad, i had to go seek professional help for my mental well-being. And like i told the closer ones, IMH is quite a calm and peaceful place actually. The sessions i had were surprisingly very liberating. To be able to have someone totally neutral to just listen to how you feel and how you are coping. To give support with no other agenda.

Of course my family and close friends are still my core support but worrying them and burdening them with my emotions on top of what's really happening, is the last thing i wanna do..

2016 was the year of solving issues. And i think, with good faith, 2017 would be the year where all issues can be settled, and where everyone can move on from this and be worry-free.. And when i say everyone, i mean everyone involved. I think we all had quite enough.. ='l

Anyway here's a quick look at 2016 and some of the happy things i did.. You can click on the bold links to read about it haha.

I modelled for a photoshoot with Lzzie with Meredith for their CNY collection! So fast hor, next CNY coming again! Look at how tiny Meredith was.
She's still so happy everyday ='))) That should be enough.
Sang live for the first time at Starker. I should do this more often lol. Don't say what okay, that day their beer and bistro clocked full house okay. What can i say, i draw the crowd. LOLOL kidding wth.
Successfully lost weight and went back to ideal weight after 1.5 year post-partum!
Went on a trip to Penang with Mich, Carolyn and my little family! So happy we had Carolyn play host in her hood haha. She brought us around to eat and chill and sight-see =DDD
And someone turned 1 year old. The best people came together and made a beautiful evening.. You can read about her epic birthday celebration here and here. It really is the best get-together of some of the nicest people in our life.
And the day my baby turned one.. I was so emotional haha.
 Breaking out of comfort zone to do new things - Like live hosting omggg. I got phobia about live-hosting now hahaha. There's just too many.. Too many people to meet and talk to face-to-face.
But i'm glad i did it anyway!!! Never try never know! And hosting is really quite fast-cash =X
I manage to save enough money for our trip to Japan to bring Meredith back to Hakone to thank the magic tree where i prayed to get a baby haha.
Meredith's first time in Disneyland..
With Niao yi..
And Meredith's first sakura..
With ganma!
I think with this smile and many more, i conclude that 2016 was awesome anyway.
Everyone! Miyabi and Sandy says hi~
Our kimono moment haha. Her kimono was from Chinatown with a IKEA curtain cut out to act as her binder and fluffy butterfly knot at the back lolol. I am a very creative mom indeed.
This little being who brings everyone closer together.. =)))
2016 we also had a chance to know the Carcove people and with them leasing Michelle a car time to time, Mich manage to bring us to many many faraway places.. Of which we usually wouldn't go cox cab fare damn expensive LOL.
We had a sister trip =D Where i brought a little extra baggage along =XXX Lolol.
2016 was a year to deal with a lot of bullshit but nothing can stop us from having simple family weekend, every weekend. This was at Pasar Malam haha.
Accepted more live-demo modelling and make-shift emceeing job and doing so with good friends makes the job much easier becox if not i confirm stage fright wth. I am just no good with too much people =X 
Had a fantastic year with my hair salon Number76 Singapore. The whole of 2016 my hair was looking healthy and nice! =D Looking at this picture and remembering that a friend got Meredith this little dress.. Despite whatever, i am always thankful for the good times and memories we made.. And every day i wish for the best for that friend..

BEST DECISION THAT I MADE IN 2016????
Starting Good Feelim.

The first time we filmed. Was with Miya. She's the first few people i spoke with about it and without second thought, with no questions ask, she simply said "Just lah!".

That for you, is my celianbrity friend version of "Let's do it. I give you my support" And with that just-lah attitude, Josh and i started Good Feelim. We just do it. LOL.

And almost one year into it, despite all the 风风雨雨, she stood by her words and has been one of the easiest person to work with for everything. And this is not just on a work level.. On friendship level, she always watched my back, and when she says something, she means something, no bullshit no fanciful dress up to her words.

She's straight to the point and it's really really easy to be friends with people like that becox after all that drama, we just need a harmless, honest and easy-going stress-free friendship. When she's happy she shows it, when she's not happy, she tells you. And when her brain is not functioning, she totally owns up to it LOLOL. Which btw, is very very often LOLOL. I always joke and tell her she really is a pretty and dumb girl LOL but she say that's the best combi every guy likes LOL. Werking it babeh, werking it haha. Dumb is dumb but she is always keeping up with makeup and beauty trends and is super passionate about things that can make her prettier LOL. So she agree to be on Colourfool.

And despite her busy lifestyle (with anime, gaming and game-raging and playing with her doggies LOL) she's always reachable when i need to get her. Dumb is dumb but she's very professional when it comes to work.

Given how no-fucks she gives to most people and most drama, 我偶尔还可以联络到她我很开心了 LOLOL ='D Make a guess she and me who more dumb LOLOL. We've yet to come to a conclusion so i think we can continue to insult each other lol.

And then there's this hamster Good Feelim adopted LOL. We always joke and tell each other, "We are very simple girls. Just feed us" LOLOL. Maybe it's a joke for me, but for Rachell, she really means it.

After knowing her and also knowing Sean through her, and sometimes hearing about their argument, all i can say is, this video totally describes her.


LOLOL "吃到像猪一样" LOLOL. All of the five examples fully depicts Rach okay. She can talk about food food food food food non-stop.

Simi the bbq meat roll in the cheese lah, simi eat until she never shower then just hit the bed and food coma until morning, simi she ask him cook maggie mee he only cook one pack and went to add water to supposedly dry instant noodle and she's so hungry he still cook one pack for them both to share LOLOL.  Just don't mess around with her food and she's good.

And so Food My Life was meant for her. For every DIY episode she will R&D numerous times until she gets it right before filming it for the audience.

I remember how during our filming in Bangkok we were at a atas restaurant and she had a slight meltdown becox she felt a little stressed out, afraid that she can't deliver an episode good enough for the place becox it's a atas restaurant. It's the silliest things she worries about that makes her so thoughtful and considerate.

Whoever told her she wasn't good enough for her to push herself so hard on EVERYTHING she does, maybe they did her a favour becox when she does something, she puts in 200% more effort than everyone else.

And my personal pet project with Jialing.. Someone i've known more than 10 years but never tolerate each other enough to see each other more often than a hi-tea session once in a few months. LOL.

I am so so so thankful for Jia becox her coming in to do The Checklist with me becox she really brings out the zen in me. Cox she's ANYTHING but zen and calm. She's a little bit psychotic i think.

LOLOLOL.

I mean look at that face. She's full of plot-twist in her head hahahaha. Everytime she'd say something to make me burst into laughter it's almost like i'm working with Jim Carrey female version lolol. I enjoy every filming session with The Checklist so much cox she's so annoying but so intelligent. And i constantly have to ask her to "stop moving, stop talking, wait, wait, WAIT!!! Please come back, Jialing". It's like asking a 10 year old to calm her titties each time we head out to do something new. LOL.

These three wonderful people have given me and Josh their best support for Good Feelim, for about a year now. And i really cannot be more grateful.

It's through all the little moments we work together and play together that i realise how lucky i am, to be surrounded by people like this. People who work with passion, people who have no ill-intention for you and instead, only wants the best for you and to give you their best at the same time.

The whole year was challenging for me to pull through, mentally, physically and financially.. All of them didn't want to take any money for filming and talent fees and even offered help.

There were also many other faces you guys might have seen in Good Feelim episodes.. They are all good people who've helped.. For fun, for showing support, for friendship we had / have.

I guess this is also why 2016 was a good year afterall.. =') Thank you guys, for giving me a chance to work with you guys. You guys are really really great souls and happy people. 我们一起加油!

I also inherited my dad's trishaw haha! And had it modified to look.. White. LOL.
Turned 29 year old with lotsa kids..
And had my favourite friends over to surprise me with what i love =P I love durian i love grape tarts. Thank you to you and you.. Thank you.. =))) Good times i will always remember..
More simple and nice birthday celebration.. Thank you Ben and Jayne..
Lotsa family weekends..
And then i got served with a lawsuit haha. But still.. My bff make sure she kept me occupied so that i don't go crazy and dwell in my own pool of helpless and sad thoughts. So she brought us out a lot..

Thank you Michelle Thian.. Thank you for the Hi-Chew candy, polar bear underwears and the lipsticks you got for me and for all the little things you know i don't need, but got them for me anyway becox you say "因为我真的觉得你很可怜" but i know it really means "Becox i want to cheer you up and i want you to stand up and keep fighting" ='))) 你真的好爱我...... 女儿.

Me? I also wang. I also wang to play =D HAHAHAHA.

My baby started going to school.. =))) This is the biggest milestone i achieve in 2016 ba? Haha. Who would have thought a crazy wonky person like me can bring up a kid so well.. And that the kid is still alive LOL and going to school and all. Who would have thought i'd be such an awesome mom. Who. LOL. Ownself say only.

And the rest is history that you can easily read back haha. I gotta go. Josh is hurrying me for lunch and if i don't wrap this up, it will never see the light.

Thank you to all the friends and people who stood by me this year. Thank you.

Bye bye 2016.

Hello 2017, you better be freaking awesome.